Sensuality

I've realized lately that I read erotica like other people read the Red Eye or the daily news. It's not some kink I have; it doesn't get me hot to read about sex on the crowded Lawrence bus, I swear. Alot of it is just damn good writing (much better than the Red Eye, I can tell you) and working here, it's become more accessible than the public library. (My embarrassment about returning a book one year overdue makes the library a little less accessible than I'd like.) I've tried to branch out some and read some "regular" books again, so this week it was The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin. I thought I'd share a piece I really liked:

"The word sensual is not intended to bring to mind quivering dusky maidens or priapic black studs. I am referring to something much simpler and less fanciful. To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread."

Lee

First Annual Masturbation Haiku Contest Results!

That's right, kidlets... we've made our decisions. It was a grueling process, eerily similar to that movie Twelve Angry Men. Except we aren't jurors, and we're not men. Or twelve. Or angry. Anyway... after three rounds of poring over haikus, we've come up with our ten favorites. Many thanks to EVERYONE who participated... you made our lives difficult, but in a really good way. :)

And so, without further ado... in no particular order... the seven finalists of our haiku contest!


The buzzing is low
Yet you hear me as I play
And hold my free hand
By Curvaceous Dee

Slutty adjectives
surf on the sound of the buzz
from between my legs
By Sam-I-Am

Let me tell you, friend:
Never fuck yourself after
Chopping chiles. Ow!
By Jessie Bluejay

"Gimme a minute!!!"
Door knock interrupts thought flow
"I'm combing my hair!"
By Samer Allababidi

"You're making me so
hornyu." "Hornyu?" Goddammit.
Keyboard all sticky.
By Frank Mills

The pube hair bald spot
just above my clitoris
is two fingers wide
By Carrie

Whose hand is that I
feel? How wonderful... it's mine.
Care to watch me play?
By Pillowtop

Stay tuned for the top THREE winners... oh the suspense is killing me! They win the honor of publication AND special goodies from Early to Bed!

Gay Prom! Benefit for Queer Youth!

Stoli Prom
http://www.93xrt.com/stolipride

Saturday June 2, 2007
at 8:00 PM (ends at Midnight)

Hilton and Towers - Grand Ballroom
720 South Michigan Avenue
Chicago, IL 60601

$55 per person or $100 per couple

Includes cocktails, heavy hors d'oeuvres, entertainment, and free
trolley transportation all night from Boystown and Andersonville.

21 and over.

Stoli is bringing us a spectacular evening of fun and flair with Stoli
PROM, an event to celebrate us - the huge, amazing, hot LGBTQ
community.

Kicking off Pride Month, this will be a night to remember, offering
all of us a second chance at the perfect prom. Featuring award-
winning singer and gay icon Julie Brown (Homecoming Queen has a Gun),
sharing excerpts of her new show, "Smell The Glamour," the musical
talents of Chicago's famed Sixteen Candles, Chicago's favorite Jessica Halem and WXRT DJ Terri Hemmert.

Proceeds from the event benefit Howard Brown's Broadway Youth Center.

Purchase tickets today:
http://www.TicketWeb.com
keyword: Stoli Prom

See you at Prom!

Carnal Consultant Review!

Surprise Massager
Review by Garnet Joyce

It is no secret that I love sex toys. I own more toys than many people think one person should own. Not only do I have experience picking out sex toys for myself, but I'm always helping friends out as well. I consider myself to be a bit of an expert. So when I found out that Early to Bed wanted reviewers, I jumped at the opportunity. I could not wait for my first sex toy to arrive! When it finally did arrive, I could barely contain my excitement when opening the box and then fishing around through the packing peanuts to find... the Surprise Massager. A wave of disappointment went through me. This toy did not even look promising to me. The design is goofy. I've actually always wanted a bullet attached to a battery pack/controller via a flexible arm, but this one fits over your finger and that just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. It seems more difficult to stick out one finger than it does to just hold a battery pack. They try to make it easier by having a button on the inside where your finger is, but that just makes it more difficult. Imagine you're in the heat of the moment and you're about to cum and all of a sudden your finger twitches and you accidentally hit the button, it turns off, and frustrated, you lose your orgasm. It also came with a cheaply made silicone sleeve to put over the bullet. New from the package it already came with ridges in it, which are a great place for bacteria to nest. And then there was the name. Surprise Massager? Who thought of that? It conjures up images of mysterious high school cafeteria food (Tuna Surprise anyone?), not of anything I want to put on my clit. What is the surprise?

I tried to stay open minded. Maybe the toy makers were actually on to something with this toy. I wouldn't want to miss out on an opportunity for an orgasm just because I thought the design had some flaws. So my girlfriend found me some batteries, I popped them in, and turned this baby on. It was LOUD! I'm not a fan of loud vibrators, but I thought that maybe this at least meant that it would have power. I do not like weak vibrators; my tool of choice is the Hitachi Magic Wand. It turned out to be pretty weak and I swear that the part that fits over your finger vibrates more than the bullet does and the vibrations tickle. I first tried it on my girlfriend since she tends to be less picky about vibrators than I am. She complained that it would feel good for a second or two, but then just feel ticklish. I tried it on myself and while I am picky about what vibrators get me off, I can usually get myself revved up by anything that vibrates (cell phone in the undies anyone?). That was not the case from this toy. It just tickled and not in that fun sexy way. It was just annoying and loud.

I had really wanted to give it another try because I thought that maybe I could get used to it so I left it by my computer and every so often when I'd need a study break I'd try it out. It just continually disappointed. Even my girlfriend who is extremely easily turned on would shrink away and shout, "Don't touch me with that thing!" every time I got close to her with it. So what's the surprise? The surprise is that it's a vibrator that doesn't even come close to pleasing. It's not even a tease. It just does not perform.

Carnal Consultant Review!

White Heat

Review by Misty

You can't imagine my excitement when my new toy finally arrived from Early2Bed in it's discreet kraft box. I carefully unwrapped it and removed it from its package. It's called White Heat, a waterproof two-bullet vibrator for dual zone (vaginal and clitoral) stimulation. Well, I thought, you can't go wrong there. And the name turned out to be quite apropos...it was indeed white and it certainly got me HOT! It looked innocent and unassuming enough with its heavenly cloud-white exterior and it's silky smooth surface. No unnecessary ridges or bumps, no funky protrusions, no rabbit ears, no sparkly purple glitter, no wires or separate controls. This is a wonderfully self-contained piece. The multiple speed controller is just a simple twist of the end. I thought to myself, "White Heat and I are going to get along just fine."

As I removed White Heat from its packaging, I immediately noticed how lightweight it was, and when I realized that it only took two triple-A batteries, I was ecstatic. The lightweight construction is just perfect for those longer self-pleasuring sessions. No wrist strain, no aching forearm. I also took note of how flexible the toy was. It really bends and moves. And fortunately, I don't think you can break it...somewhat of an advantage over the real thing. You can really manipulate the location, reach, and bend of this toy. There simply isn't a spot you can't hit. Well, I'm guessing you might have a problem if you tried to wrap it underneath to the anal area, but I believe there are many other toys that would do that trick.

Much to my dismay, after unpacking this little beauty, I realized that I didn't have any triple-A batteries at my disposal. Alas, White Heat would have to wait. Once I secured the appropriate batteries, I wanted to put this little beauty to the waterproof test. I drew a hot bath and loaded up on the bubbles. A wonderfully erotic bubble bath scent, Moonlight Path, from Bath & Body Works, in case anyone is interested. I lit a few candles, put on some mood music and away we went. This little gem performed like a dream. Water- and bubble-proof it is. The intensity of the vibration was just right. Not too light, not too strong. The size was just right. Not too big, not too small. And the location of the clitoral stimulator was perfect, not too high, not too low. I felt like Goldilocks...I found everything "juuust right." And no pappa bear around to spoil my fun. The size and shape of the clitoral stimulator was great, too. It's really a simple design, just a large ball, but the size and shape make it easy to cover a lot of surface area without a lot of maneuvering. I was also pleased that the buzz of the vibrator was really minimal. Some that I've used sound like a plane coming in for a landing. Just a bit distracting when you're trying to get into a good fantasy. White Heat was nice and quiet, almost silent under water. And this toy performed just as well on dry sheets as it did in the water. Easy to grip, very quiet, and really easy to clean. I've been testing it out (on a pretty frequent basis...like every day) for almost three weeks now and I haven't had to change the batteries.

So, all in all, a rave review. White Heat has quickly become my favorite vibrator and I would highly recommend it. It's quite reliable for consistently achieving orgasm. If only it could give me a back rub, take me to dinner, and kill creepy spiders, I wouldn't even need a man. Alas, it can't perform all those tasks, so I'll keep looking for Mr. Right. Until next time...happy masturbating!

From Searah:

We just added this to our inventory! You can see it here... we're calling it Wilma...

Not Sorry.

I'm not one to wish death or personal injury on anyone, not even an enemy. I never found myself wishing ill on Jerry Falwell when he was alive, but I can honestly say that I'm not sorry he's dead. Not that it solves anything; there are plenty of fledgling Falwells just gnashing at the bit for a chance to spew their pith and vinegar... but it is nice to know that people like Falwell are, in fact, mortal. Whether or not he's gonna "meet his maker" or whatnot, I'm just happy I don't have to see his ugly-ass face in the news anymore. Or hear him say things like this:

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this [September 11th] happen.'"

Funny thing, Jer... but we're still here and you're not. And I can't say you'll be missed.

ohmygod, they like us!!

Howdy,

So our new movie Special Delivery just got a nice review from this website Eros-Zine.com



You should totally go read it. And then buy Special Delivery by clicking here.

Great.

xoxo,
searah

It it still Masturbation Month!

Hey Sexy,

I just wanted to pass along to you all this great article from the always witty (and just a little bit crazy) Dr. Susan Block about Masturbation and why you should take five (or 20) minutes right now and do it!

Come As You Are

Masturbation 101

By Dr. SUSAN BLOCK

Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners, come, let us play...

May is National Masturbation Month, having been so declared by the erotically aware jill-off gals at Good Vibrations and the Godmother of Masturbation herself, Dr. Betty Dodson. Why bother to have a National Masturbation Month? Since just about everybody plays sexual solitaire at least sometimes, it's virtually the nation's-and the world's--preferred leisure past time.

Masturbation isn't terribly controversial in these days of hotly debated sexual subjects. Why, it didn't even make Senator Rick the Stick Santorum's List of Naughty Sex Acts that the Government Should be Allowed to Break into Your Bedroom and Bust You For. Nor did Pope Rat mention it in his List of Reasons Good Catholic Americans Must Vote Republican. Still, what the Brits so adorably call "rubbing off" just doesn't get the respect that it deserves.
Thus, the M Month. Otherwise, far too few of us private Onanists would be willing to admit publicly that we indulge. Here in our Land of the Somewhat Free, we have plenty of Gay Pride and Leather Pride, even a bit of Libertine Pride out in the Blue States, but not much in the way of Wanker Pride. After all, "sex for one," as harmless and healing as we now know it to be, is still condemned by many as an illicit, shameful act, forbidden even to lonely priests. Thus, most of us keep our single-handed pleasures under the covers and in the closet.

O, Brothers and Sisters, Liars and Fibbers, who will testify to the truth of masturbation?

Actually, that word "testify" tells us a little something about masturbation and truth, coming, as it does, from the same Latin root as the words "testament," "testimony," and "testicles." See, way back in Old Testament times, when our forefathers swore an oath, they didn't put their hands on the Bible, because these were Bible times, and the Bible hadn't been written yet. When our forefathers testified, they put their hands on their testicles. That's right, they swore by their family jewels! Telling the truth (for a man) was assured by the public act of squeezing, stroking or gently cupping one's sac.

So do like your ancestors, do like your Old Father Abraham, grab your balls and testify! Grab 'em right now, Brother! Don't grab 'em too hard. But don't be too soft on yourself either. And Sister, you just grab your holy vulva right where it feels good. Feel the power, the glory and the truth of solo sexual revelation! Finger yourself with joy! Stroke yourself into rapture! Surrender to self-pleasure. Testify to the truth of autoerotic ecstasy. Testify and be healed of stress and frustration, sleeplessness and Desperate Housewife Syndrome...What's the matter, Brother Jack? Are you embarrassed, Sister Jill? Feel silly? Guilty? Naughty? Baad? Don't you know that if God had intended you not to masturbate, he would have made your arms shorter? (This is the best thing I have ever heard anyone say - Searah)

Want to read the rest? Click here

Have a great Monday!

xoxo searah

Event at EtB this Thursday!!!

Darling Buds of May Erotica Open Mic
Thursday, May 17th at 8:00pm
Dust off those metaphors, entendres, and innuendoes! Early to Bedis hosting an erotica open mic in honor of Masturbation May, with special guest emcee Jennifer Stevenson! We'll provide the wine and snacks; you provide the ear candy--sexy poems, short stories, and songs to tickle our fancies!

Jennifer Stevenson's first novel, Trash Sex Magic, attracted a lot of attention for its examination of class issue in a magical realism context. Oh, and for tree sex, turtle sex, catfish sex, and a lot of people sex. Her erotic stories have appeared in Circlet Press anthologies Sextopia and Sex In The System. Her next releases, The Brass Bed, The Venus Machine, and The Haunted Porn Factory, debut in April, May, and June 2008, the first volumes in the SeX Files series. Nevertheless, Jennifer claims she doesn't really have that much to say about sex.

This event is free for adults 18 and over. No registration necessary. Please keep pieces to under 10 minutes. Event will be held at Early to Bed, 5232 N. Sheridan Rd. Call 773-271-1219 with any questions.

Orgasms!

So we posted a few days ago about a book signing that we co-sponsored at Women and Children First Bookstore and I just wanted to report on the aweseomness of this book (and post this picture of me with the awesome authors of the book, Marshall Miller & Dorian Solot ). It is called I Heart Female Orgasm and is the best book on the subject that I have ever read. It is down to earth, sex-positive, queer-friendly and super-smart. The authors are sex educators who travel the country spreading the good word to colleges and community organizations. The info that they share is done in a way that is approachable and comfortable.

One of the things that I liked a lot about the book is that they did their own extensive survey of something like 2000 people and used that info to help them write the book. It isn't just about them or about re-hashing what has been written before, it is a fresh , celebratory look at the subject.

At Early to Bed we get questions everyday from women who have trouble having an orgasm, who aren't sure they have orgasms, who need help having more orgasms, who are frustrated with how long it takes to have an orgasm or with questions about how to have them with their partner, during sex, while masturbating, etc. And we are always happy to talk to people about those questions, but sometimes we just aren't able to go to the depth that a good book can so this is the book we'll be suggesting to them (and you!) from now on. And hell, even if you think you know all about the fantastic female body, you might be surprised to find you learn something new from this book.

And as my Ma used to say... "You can never have too many books, or too many orgasms". **

Have an awesome day. And don't forget to masturbate!

xoxo,

Searah

**Ok, she never said that. But she does like to read a lot. Mostly fiction though.

What Were They Thinking? Vol. Three

I have four words for you people: "Seamen Scented Jizz Lubricant".

I am not kidding. And it really smells like artificial passion fruit...


xox Searah

Haiku! (Gesundheit!)

Haiku Contest for Masturbation Month!

Send us haikus on
Self-love and masturbation
Top 10 on our blog!

Also--Prizes for the top 3!
1st Prize: $40 Gift Certificate to EtB
2nd Prize: Copy of our new movie, Special Delivery
3rd Prize: 100ml bottle of Liquid Silk lube

Due by May 15th--limit 5 per person! Email to haiku@early2bed.com
Use whatever name you want published online!
--------------------------

What is a haiku, you ask?
Well, the simple answer is that it is derived from a style of Japanese poetry with very stringent rules about syllables. They are typically written about nature, but these days you can write about anything... even masturbation!

The style is this: Three lines. First line--5 syllables. Second line--7 syllables. Third line--5 syllables. They can rhyme or not.

You do not need to live in Chicago to participate in this contest! So get crackin'!

Hanky Code

So in preparation for Thursday night's Formerly Known As... Hanky Code party at Big Chicks, (the best party at the best bar ever) we were doing some research on what Hanky color best fit us (and by us I mean me & my friend the adorable Ms. A). If you aren't familiar with Hanky Codes they are a gay boy (and often BDSM practitioners) way of signally one's sexual interests by wearing a bandanna or hanky of a specific color in one's back pocket, there by eliminating the awkward loud-bar miscommunication of "I thought you said you like Titty Twisting (dark pink), not Sucking Toes (coral)". This way you know what you're getting right up front. Clever, eh?

How much they are used these days, I know not, but I was overwhelmed with how specific the code can be. Certainly there is no Federal Hanky Code board, so the colors' meaning varied a bit from list to list, but most were pretty consistent. I was very relieved to find that the color hanky I wanted to wear (light pink) singled something I like to do (dildo fucking), but I'm a little worried that if I can't find the right color hanky, and end up with Magenta, I may be Navel Worshiping all night (not top on my list).

But where did this all come from you ask...
Here is what Wikipedia (yes, I am lazy) says about the origins of the Hanky Code:

"The wearing of various colored bandanas around the neck was common in the mid and late 19th Century among cowboys and miners in the Western United States. It is thought that the wearing of bandanas by gay men originated in San Francisco after the Gold Rush, when, because of a shortage of women, men dancing with each other in square dances developed a code where the man wearing the blue bandana took the male part in the square dance, and the man wearing the red bandana took the female part (these bandanas were usually worn around the arm or hanging from the belt or in the back pocket of one's jeans)."

That is so damn cute.

Now the big questions I have are how many different hankies can you wear at once and what is the color for "likes to watch naked toothbrushing"?

xo,

Searah

Book Event at Women and Children First!!!

Sunday, May 6
5:00 p.m.
Dorian Solot & Marshall Miller
I Love Female Orgasm
Co-Sponsored by Early to Bed
Whether you're celebrating your thousandth female orgasm, searching for your first, or cheering on your girlfriend or your wife, I Love Female Orgasm is crammed with everything you want to know about the big O, from multiple orgasms to that mysterious G-spot. Sex educators Marshall Miller and Dorian Solot have taken their incredibly popular workshops and created a fun, feminist, sex-positive book for people of all sexual orientations. Come meet the authors, get your copy signed, and get a taste of some of the info packed into this great guide. Ten percent of author royalties are donated to Breast Cancer Action.

"Savvy, funny, and chock-full of great information, this book is a treasure trove for all of us."
- Judy Norsigian and Heather Stephenson, co-authors of Our Bodies, Ourselves


Women & Children First Bookstore
5233 N. Clark Street
Chicago, IL 60640
773-769-9299
wcfbooks@aol.com
www.womenandchildrenfirst.com