Top Three Masturbation Haikus!

Here's the moment you've all been waiting for...

In third place, winning a 100ml bottle of our favorite lube, Liquid Silk...

Glistening like a
ridiculous pink trophy
my dildo triumphs
By Ruby

In second place, winning a copy of our brand new movie, Special Delivery...

sharp, sweet on my tongue
left hand awkward on my clit
i switched hands to taste
By Maria & Jacob

And finally, in first place, winning a $40 gift certificate to Early to Bed...

I really don't know
What came over me last night
Oh wait, it was me
By Alexander the Poet


Congratulations to our winners, our finalists, and to everyone who participated!! You made our first annual Self-Love Haiku Contest a rousing success!!!

First Annual Masturbation Haiku Contest Results!

That's right, kidlets... we've made our decisions. It was a grueling process, eerily similar to that movie Twelve Angry Men. Except we aren't jurors, and we're not men. Or twelve. Or angry. Anyway... after three rounds of poring over haikus, we've come up with our ten favorites. Many thanks to EVERYONE who participated... you made our lives difficult, but in a really good way. :)

And so, without further ado... in no particular order... the seven finalists of our haiku contest!


The buzzing is low
Yet you hear me as I play
And hold my free hand
By Curvaceous Dee

Slutty adjectives
surf on the sound of the buzz
from between my legs
By Sam-I-Am

Let me tell you, friend:
Never fuck yourself after
Chopping chiles. Ow!
By Jessie Bluejay

"Gimme a minute!!!"
Door knock interrupts thought flow
"I'm combing my hair!"
By Samer Allababidi

"You're making me so
hornyu." "Hornyu?" Goddammit.
Keyboard all sticky.
By Frank Mills

The pube hair bald spot
just above my clitoris
is two fingers wide
By Carrie

Whose hand is that I
feel? How wonderful... it's mine.
Care to watch me play?
By Pillowtop

Stay tuned for the top THREE winners... oh the suspense is killing me! They win the honor of publication AND special goodies from Early to Bed!