Dance Party Thursday Night!

I don't know what you all are doing Tomorrow night (3/1/07) but we'll be at the Formally Known As... dance party at our most favorite bar ever Big Chicks! See the flyer for all the details.

Oh and before that... check out the Sex Workers Art Show at the Abbey Pub. (http://sexworkersartshow.com/)


mmmmmmyum,

searah

One gross porn, one awesome idea.

Now, I'm not one to judge, but this is what I think about the sorry state of the porn industry:

The standards have been set so low that it would not take much to make a really kick-ass porn. Nevertheless, it feels as though these standards keep getting lower, as if these guys were trying to out-do each other in the bad department. My grandmother could make better porn than most I've seen, and she's been dead for 10 years.

Case in point, Babes Ballin' Boys. I popped it in last night with my honey, and the two of us prepared to be titillated. There aren't many porns that show dudes gettin' it up the butt by "babes" and so perhaps my expectations were too high... maybe only the dregs of the porn industry would ball boys, but for crying out loud, they could have at least had some music playing! It was just silence! Silence and plastic surgery-deformed babes. I'm not just talking plastic surgery "enhanced" babes... I'm talking bright red implant scar close-ups, I'm talking collagen-injected lips so thick I was afraid they'd get stuck up her nose and suffocate her. It was nauseating. And the sex wasn't very good either. What a shame. I was really looking forward to some good ballin'.

This is a weak tie-in, but this nasty porn made me think of an awesome idea. At EtB, we sell Clone-a-Willy Kits, where one can make dildos out of flesh penises. Kinda like when you made those bronze casts of your little kid hands, circa age 5. Kinda not. So let's say you're doin' a fella and you guys decide you want to clone his willy. What if you took his cloned willy and balled him in the butt with it? Doing a dude with his own dick? I think that's just about the hottest thing I can think of. Dirty dirty. You could make him suck it too.

Now that would be a great porn.

Smooches,

Eden

What Were They Thinking?

One of the things that I love about this job is all the freakin' sex toys that cross my desk (among other places). Many of them are fine, some are AWESOME and way too many are kinda screwy. This is the first in my series where I'd like to share with you some of my favorite screwy toys ( and if this happens to be your favorite toy, please defend it! I'd love to hear about it... )

Anyway today we have Foot Fetish Luscious Legs Vibrator. This is a 8" Tall, translucent pink jelly vibe in the shape of a pair of presumably women's legs (with the battery compartment & controller where her hips & privates would be). The packaging is printed with the tagline "Sleek, Sexy Legs and Delicate Feet Will make you feel fabulous!"

When I got this item, the first thing I wondered was who they were making this for. As far as I know, there really aren't that many foot fetishists that are women out there and this packaging, as you can see, is clearly aimed at the ladies. Also, from what I know of most foot fetishists, they like people's feet not super tiny jelly rubber ones. As a vibrator, it is actually ok, relatively powerful, but so super-flexible that if you were to try and use the toy to apply pressure anywhere, it would be kinda silly. The crossed-over feet would make sliding this comfortably into a vagina or ass (not that this toy is butt-safe... because it is not...) would be a challenge. It is hard to see form the picture, but the feet are crosses so that they form an open V, pretty much the opposite of what one normally wants in an insertable toy. Ouch.

Now if someone wanted a light & fluttery, flexible vibe, this might do the trick but seriously, feet? Maybe this isn't any weirder than all the animal-shaped vibes out there, but for $25 you can get a more powerful, versatile vibe that won't leave you thinking about athlete's foot in your coochy.

xox0,

Searah

Sex Toys are a danger to society

"As a Valentine's Day gift to the people of Alabama, the US Court of Appeals, 11th Circuit, has once again reaffirmed the constitutionality of Alabama's law forbidding the sale or commercial distribution of any device "primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs," i.e., sex toys. This case has been kicking up and down the federal system for quite a while, and has had several stops at the circuit level. This latest decision, February 14, affirms the ruling by the district court that the public morality concerns of the Alabama legislature remain a sufficient rational justification to sustain the law, even after Lawrence v. Texas (the 2003 Supreme Court decision striking down that state's misdemeanor homosexual conduct law) seemingly ruled out morality as a justification for a criminal statute that burdens private, consensual sexual activity." From 11th Circuit Sex Toys Wars - They Just Won't Give It Up!! by New York Law School Professor Arthur S. Leonard, February 16, 2007 in Legal Issues


Did you even know that in some states it is illegal to sell any type of sex toy? I know! How freakin' crazy is that? And in Alabama (according to the NRA website.. which scared me to even visit) you don't have to have a license to buy a rifle or a handgun. Now that of course has nothing to do with the sex toy law, but I think it is insane to ban the sale of items that do nothing more than provide the stimulation of human genital organs yet make it really easy to get a gun, which can be a lot worse for your or your friends' health. In fact there are a bunch of states that make it illegal to sell sex toys, Texas being the most famous. But what I love about the law in Texas is that apparently (according to a mini documentary by the recently deceased -and awesome- Molly Ivins: see it here ) butt plugs aren't a problem because your butt isn't a sexy place (or something like that- I'm GREAT on facts), which as many of you know, just isn't true!!

So if you are taking your sexual freedom for granted today, take a quiet second to think about your sad brothers & sisters who have to sign a waiver promising to use their dildo only to demonstrate condoms usage before they can buy one. And remember, sex toys don't hurt people, mean legislators who think sexual pleasure is a morality problem do.

big love,

Searah

Help us change the sex toy industry!

We use Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs. (hope you do too!!)
We reuse our boxes.
We recycle your batteries.
We reuse packing peanuts.
We're trying our best to be responsible about our energy usage and our waste here, but dangit, it seems like the harder we try to reduce our waste, the more packaging sex toy companies use! If you've ever bought a sex toy from us, whether in the mail or in the store, you've seen firsthand the ridiculousness of this packaging. Do we really need a photo of a pouty lady that is bigger than our actual vibrator?

We can't take on these companies ourselves. We need you, our loyal, devoted customers, to take action and let these guys know that more plastic does not equal better toys! The message to convey is really very simple: We all need to be responsible for the waste we produce and consume... so remind these companies that their real responsibility is to create orgasm-worthy toys, not to fill up our landfills!

Thank you for your help! Feel free to report back with examples of your letters and the responses you get!

The culprits:
Sportsheets
(714) 698-0877
(800) 962-4606
info@sportsheets.com

Tantus
(619)426-6400
joy@tantusinc.com

California Exotic Novelties
Click on their "Contact" tab and fill out the form.

Doc Johnson
inquiries@docjohnson.com

Pipe Dream Products
info@pipedreamproducts.com

Early to Bed is looking for a few good Carnal Consultants!

There is only one way to determine whether a sex toy is worth selling at Early to Bed--we take it home and spend some "quality time" with it! Not a bad gig, right? Well, now is your chance to join in the fun!

We at Early to Bed are looking for fresh perspectives--for articulate, clever, enthusiastic sex toy lovers to test out (and, of course, keep) new toys for us and write reviews for our blog and our website!

So, if you think you've got the sex toy equivalent of a gourmet palate and an engaging writing style, you can become one of our brand new Carnal Consultants!

For more information and to apply, please email us at info(at)early2bed.com.