The Cone

So many people have asked us about the newest "it" toy: The Cone. We don't carry it because, well it is kinda stupid. We're happy to sell expensive products that are really worth it, but this is an expensive product that just isn't. So even though it is super-popular, we are skipping it (although like almost anything else, if you REALLY want one, we'll happily get it for you for a mere $115) .

Here is what our reviewer CC had to say about it...

The Cone is unlike any vibrator I have tried before and I have tried
lots. In it's instruction booklet that contains 26 languages, the
makers advertise the Cone's "innovative shape" and "hands free design"
and boosts that it "doesn't need to be hidden away in the bedroom
drawer," because it doesn't look like a phallus. It does, however,
look like a baby's toy.

Honestly, the bubble gum pink silicone cone shaped vibrator would be
hidden away in my bedroom drawer, at the very bottom, from lack of
use. The design of the vibrator did intrigue me at first, but its
functionality is far from perfect. If you like to get off on your
back, it is virtually impossible to use the Cone since its shape is
not meant to hold in your hand and it is extremely bulky--the diameter
of the bottom of the cone is almost 8". If you like to get off in
other positions like sitting or lying on your tummy, the Cone is
actually way too poke-y to produce any pleasurable sensations, even
with its 16 vibration patterns, most of which are too similar to tell
any difference between them. In the instruction booklet, there are
silhouette figures sitting on the cone, but in reality it is not
designed for any sort of penetration since its has a fairly sharp tip
and gets extremely wide very quickly (think over-sized party hat ). I
tried just wrapping my legs around it so the tip was hitting my clit
and the rest of my vulva was touching it, but I got bored of that very
quickly.

I give this vibrator two thumbs down. It seems the purpose
of designing the vibrator was to be innovative and I can't applaud
innovation for innovation's sake.

No they didn't...

...make a Vulva scented perfume! But no no, it is not actually a perfume (according to the manufacturers)... it is meant to be applied to the back of your hand so you can sniff your pussy smelling hand all day. Too bad it smells like a cross between pee and ick. Not at all like any of the luscious pussies we have ever smelled. Plus, do you really want to be that person walking around smelling your hand all day?

This has to be the bestest bad thing we have gotten in the mail in a LONG time, so thanks to manufacturers who sent it to us!

Check it here.
(not work-safe, natch)

Yikes!

So.... if you don't know already, Early to Bed has a no-anal-desensitizing-cream policy. We feel that any pain in your ass while playing with it is you body's way of letting you know to slow down, use more lube and maybe take the action down a notch, so you should be aware of what is going on back there. We know lots of people use stuff like anal-ese and such, but we always caution against it for the safety reasons (pain in your butthole often = tearing). But personally, it gets my feminist hackles in a bunch too. Lots and lots of women who I have talked to want anal-ese or the sort because they are pressured by their partners into having anal sex when they don't really want it. Now, of course lots of us do things for our partners that we might not choose to do if not asked, but it seems to me that WAY too many women endure something like painful anal sex to make their partner happy and that makes me mad and sad.

Anyway.. the whole point of this is that not only is the use of anal desensitizing creams problematic (for a bunch of reasons), but now they are marketing this one as a secret. Shhh.... don't tell you lover that he is hurting you... WTF?!?!

If someone makes you feel really good- tell 'em to keep going! And if someone is hurting you- tell 'em to stop! Why keep it a secret from your partner that he (of she) is causing you pain? No one should never have to do this and by marketing this specifically to women, they are just continuing the standard of women being the sexual objects, not empowered subjects. And come on... it is cherry flavored... is that because people believe that women's asses taste like cherry? I mean, how else are you going to keep the cherry-flavored gel a secret...

There are so many ways to make anal sex fun & painless without using numbing creams and risking tearing your ass. We have some good info about it on our website here (look towards the bottom).

And if you want to know the secret to great anal "intimacy", I'll tell you. It's not numbing creams, it is Communication, Lube and DESIRE!

xoxox,

Searah

What Were They Thinking? Vol. Three

I have four words for you people: "Seamen Scented Jizz Lubricant".

I am not kidding. And it really smells like artificial passion fruit...


xox Searah

What Were They Thinking? Vol. Two

From the manufacturer's website: "Lex Steele's stroker gives the best of both worlds and CyberSkin® makes these interracial strokers amazingly realistic. Molded to satisfy, the two tone colors add the extra thrill of interracial action."

Where do I start?!

Anyone who spent anytime looking at sex toys or porn pretty quickly will notice that this isn't the most racially-sensitive industry. Dildos come in colors like "Natural" or "Flesh" (ie white-person) and "Mulatto" (anything remotely brown) or "Black" (dark brown). Porn titles are rampant with questionable titles about big black dicks and tight white pussies. It is near impossible to find actors of color in mainstream porn movies that don't' make us cringe with their sketchy take on racial politics.

It is a raciest, sexist and often homophobic industry that is changing slowly and this toy is a great example of how they are trying to be more inclusive, but being slightly off. I am always stoked to see manufacturers using a wider variety of "skin" tones on their toys, but this just seems wrong somehow.

In case you can't tell what is going on here, let me explain. There is a Cyberskin Vulva of the "Cream" color. That is nestled into a "Coffee" colored tube, basically. So you enter the vulva with your penis while gripping the tube. Fun stuff, I am sure, but come on. Everyone who saw this in my office said, "Ew, what the heck is this?" and then tried, like I did, to figure who the hell thought this was a good idea...

Whatta you think?


Xoxox,
Searah

Porn Names

In the porn industry there is one major publication called AVN (Adult Video News). It is a monthly, glossy chuck of a thing that come wrapped in plastic for the protection of the public's eye. Like most magazines these days it is almost all ads although instead of ads for shoes & cars it is all for porn porn porn. And 90% of the time, I can't even open the damn thing because it grosses me out too much (I just don't like looking at women's faces covered in spooge..sorry), and I LOVE almost any magazine ever- as long as there are words and pictures.

Yes, I sell & make porn for a living (or at least that is part of what I do) yet I can't stomach most of what is out there. And while this magazine occasionally has some helpful articles (like the one the quoted me about lady-friendly porn, thank you very much) most of it is useless so I avoid it. But then there are days when I need to be reminded of the importance of being a feminist indie voice in the sex community so I pull out the mag to see what else is going on in the world of porn. And here are some random titles that are hitting the shelves of the porn store near you this month...

• Lusty Latina Foot Sex!
• Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party (anyone watch Family Business?)
• Squirt on my Black Cock
• Cum Beggars 5 (there already have been 4!!)
• AssWash 6

Good stuff huh? Makes our humble Special Delivery look like high art.

Anyway, the whole reason I started on this tangent is that my friend Dan sent me this link to an awesome list of 100 bad porn names to start my morning out. You can see it here... It is really very funny and oh so sad that it is not a joke.

And if you wanna know what is #1 on the AVN stocking guide for March 2007 here it is:
8 Simple Rules for Banging My Teenage Daughter 2.

oh yeah. That title just rolls off the tongue.....

xoxox
searah